We’ve recently heard Jesus absolutely challenging command to “Love your enemies and do good to those who hurt you; bless those who curse you and pray for those who mistreat you.” Oof.
I’ve been wrestling with this text a great deal in recent months (maybe years) and would like to propose some practicalities for what it looks like to love our enemies, using my relationship with my eldest son as the basis of the conversation.
My eldest son is six. He is a loving, caring boy who is going to grow up with an entirely inflated sense of himself because of how much I think of him. But he is also, along with all other six-year-old children, rather narcissistically oriented and regularly forgets the importance of manners. He also hates just about everything we put on the table except meatloaf and lets us know it.
So, some nights, Elijah is my enemy. He leaves dirty socks and snack food where he should not, he speaks poorly to us, he is demanding and entitled and wants to spend his time tormenting his little brother by snatching away whatever his brother has that is presently making him happy.
Loving this little enemy does not look like being nice to him or giving in to what he wants; nor does it look like allowing his bad behavior to rule the dinner table, the bath tub or the play room. It looks like two things happening at the same time. It looks like telling him the truth about his behavior and making him dinner.
Loving this little enemy looks like putting bounds around him. Love looks like holding him accountable because anything less than holding him accountable for his actions will yield a person who will have no chance at growing into the best version of himself, encouraging a distortion in his perception whereby he believes he is of more value than someone else. Love looks like insisting that he try again and this time with manners. Love looks like holding up a hand and saying no, when he behaves unkindly. It can even look sometimes like removing him from the space where the rest of us are gathered until he can behave in a way that is not harmful to others. Love can look like redistributing the toys so that he does not have all of them while Isaak has none, even if it makes him stark-raving mad…so mad sometimes that he says he’s going to ask Santa Claus for a new mom!
All the while, Marcus and I are stirring the soup on the stove, chopping vegetables and pouring milk for his supper because Love calls us always to be interested in the wellbeing of our enemy. When Love takes up residence in me it has me operating on multiple fronts; I hold boundaries and tell hard truths, while making beds and washing clothes and even the tiny body that drives me so crazy some evenings.
When our enemies have come to their senses, we can meet them with tenderness and warmth and affirmation. When our enemies are still seeking our demise or the demise of those God holds dear, Love looks like truth-telling and accountability while continuing to see the humanity even in our deepest enemies. Even they need supper each night and while you may not be the one stirring the soup for them, you and I, as followers of Jesus, are going to fight even for their right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness…even when that fight is not reciprocated. This is the distinguishing mark of Christ’s love.
Now get lovin’!
Pastor Bekki